Well, there’s only one place to start my weekly fortnightly when I can be bothered round up of news, and that’s here:

For those of you who may have been living under a (Chris) rock for the past week – maybe you’ve already made cutbacks by cancelling your broadband and selling your TV in anticipation of the moment, any day now, when all of the UK’s fuel and food prices go up – that was the moment when Will Smith (from off of the movies) got up and slapped Oscars host Chris Rock (from off those other movies that Will Smith passed on) for making a joke about Smith’s wife’s (Jada, a fine actor in her own right, and not deserving of the tag “Mrs Will Smith”) alopecia.

There’s a lot to unpack here. Firstly: it is not cool to make jokes about people’s medical conditions. We all got upset when Trump mocked a disabled guy at one of his rallies, so Rock should be spared no less criticism.

And alopecia is not only no joking matter, (without wishing to seem patronising or condescending) it’s way worse for female sufferers than men. Hair loss is accepted, even expected, in men, and their careers can happily carry on regardless, but when it happens to women, it’s a game changer.

The most high-profile example here in the UK is Gail Porter. One minute, she’s a hugely popular gorgeous blonde model, TV presenter and popular personality, so famous she had her arse projected onto the House of Commons to promote a lad’s mag (and who amongst us can brag that’s happened to us?), the next all her hair fell out and nobody wanted to book her anymore.

In a week when famous 67 year old baldie Bruce Willis announced he was retiring from acting due to health reasons, the contrast was obvious and maddening. I wish the guy all the best – he’s been responsible for some of my favourite moments in cinema (Butch in Pulp Fiction) and also my least favourite (that bloke who got his knob out in a swimming pool in Color of Night) – but God help us if it forces him to resurrect his singing career:

Bruce Willis – Respect Yourself

Pretty quickly the debate on social media became whether Smith’s slap was orwas not a publicity stunt. Well, the first time I watched it, I certainly thought it was. There was something about the way Rock kept his hands behind his back and seemed to almost his offer his cheek as a slapping target, along with the fact that Smith learned how to box when he was preparing to play Muhammed Ali on film (he knows how to punch, so why a slap? And why wasn’t he thrown out of the ceremony instead of being allowed to stay and collect his Best Actor award?), that made me think it may have been.

But then, I did what people on Twitter rarely do: I thought about it a bit more. If it was a publicity stunt, I thought, who gained from it? For sure, the only award winner I know from that night was Smith; I have no clue what won Best Picture or who won Best Director, but I do know Smith won for Best Actor – but I almost certainly would have known that anyway without this circus.

Similarly, Rock may have been the victim of the slap, but he did make a joke at the expense of Jada’s medical condition, so I would hope he would rather that went unhighlighted.

And Smith doesn’t gain anything either: he’s not just a wildly rich and successful black man – and we all know how much the media just loves those – now; he’s a wildly rich and successful black man with a temper.

So, not staged, for my money, especially when you see the whole footage, and in particular that Smith laughed at the ‘joke’ in question, until he caught the eye of his not-laughing wife, and he thought he had to do something to defend her honour and remind everybody what a good guy he is. Turns out he went too far, s’all.

The Crystals – He Hit Me (And It Felt Like A Kiss)

Or, if you’d prefer:

Spiritualized – She Kissed Me (It Felt Like A Hit)

Of all the people that you would have expected to try and hijack the narrative to make political capital on this, you’d have got good money on our very own Chancellor of the Exchequer being the one stepping up to the oche.

In an interview with BBC political editor Laura Kuenssberg, he said: “Joe Root [captain of the England cricket team, who had just lost a series to the West Indies], Will Smith, and me – not the best of weekends for any of us.’

“But”, he continued, “I feel, on reflection, both Will Smith and me having our wives attacked – at least I didn’t get up and slap anybody, which is good.”

He was referring to this interview:

What’s interesting here is that Sunak’s wife, Akshata Murty, has a £430m shareholding in the IT firm Infosys.

Even more interestingly than that, ministers are obliged to publish details of any financial interests held by themselves, and their close family, which are relevant to their role in government. The ministerial code says that ministers “must ensure that no conflict arises, or could reasonably be perceived to arise, between their public duties and their private interests, financial or otherwise” and adds that ministers must provide their department’s top civil servant with a list of all interests which “might be thought to give rise to a conflict” – a list which should also cover “interests of the minister’s spouse or partner and close family”.

So his “I don’t know what my wife does or where her money comes from” defence frankly doesn’t wash. It pays for this rather lovely – and by the look of it, expensive – house you live in, you know Rishi: the place you got planning permission for a swimming pool, gym and tennis court to be built on to last year, you hypocritical fuck:


Yet Mrs Sunak’s healthy interest in Infosys – or, indeed, any of the other six UK companies she holds direct shareholdings – are not declared in the register of interests.

While most big global IT and consultancy firms have all closed their operations posts since the situation in Ukraine escalated, Infosys is one of the few IT service companies which continues to operate in Russia.

Well, until this week anyway, when, in entirely unrelated news, a month after Russia commenced it’s attack on Ukraine, presumably delighted at the extra scrutiny it was suddenly attracting, Infosys quietly announced that it was shutting down it’s Russia office.

Also coincidentally, Infosys was not one of the companies operating out of Russia that had UK sanctions imposed on it.

A few weeks ago, I mentioned how indebted the Conservative Party is to Russian oligarchs with these words: “Carrie Symonds, the current Mrs Johnson, and often rumoured to the real power behind the man, was a founder member of The Conservative Friends of Russia.”

Those who need the links between Putin’s Russia and the Conservative Party spelling out – and I don’t just mean the chap who claimed I was (probably) clinically insane when I mentioned it a few weeks ago) – should watch this:

The Wonder Stuff – Give Give Give Me More More More


Now, I don’t know about you, but I love to receive a letter, or, if I’m feeling particularly modern, an email.

And lucky me, for the last few weeks I’ve received loads of both: from my energy provider, from my internet provider, from my mobile phone company, all of whom were writing to tell me that they aren’t making quite enough money at the moment, and that they simply must put their prices up.

A lot.

You’ve received similar correspondence, no doubt.

Some of them try to make it look like they’re doing you a favour. “Now that we’re out of the EU,”, said one missive, “even though we could, we’re not reintroducing roaming charges!” Sub-text: Aren’t we the good guys?

Just to clarify that: the EU introduced a rule that said that mobile phone companies could not charge customers extra for using their phones when abroad, in an EU country. But now that we’ve “taken back control” having left the EU, that rule no longer applies to us.

And then, in a separate email: “Hello [always friendly with the bad news, see]. The cost of running our business has increased, so – much as we don’t want to – we simply going have to increase our prices. By 58%.”

Thanks! But since you and every Tom, Dick and Harry has put their prices up, I can barely afford to catch the bus into town, let alone travel overseas now.

Gas provider: “Us too! Sorry!”

Electricity provider: “Gosh, we wish we didn’t have to, but we have no choice (if we want to continue making more money than we need): us too!”

Repeat ad infinitum.

I don’t understand why one of them – just one of them – doesn’t stop and think: everybody else is putting their prices up, why don’t we pledge not to do the same, keep our prices low, rake up all the competitor’s customers and make money that way?

Bj̦rk РCome to Me

I hate to tell you this, but this could have been avoided. And I’m not just talking about Brexit, which remains (pun very much intended) the clearest example of a gullible population collectively shooting themselves in the foot. And I don’t wish to be all “I told you so” either.

In 2015, one of the core pledges in Ed Milliband’s manifesto was to place a cap on energy bills. But the good old, reliable British public decided to vote for David Cameron instead, because they didn’t like the way Milliband ate a sandwich.

“Imagine the chaos if Labour get in”, the red tops crowed at the time.

“Look at his stupid monolith with dumb statements engraved into it!” (They had a point there, to be fair.)

And now look around. Nice and calm and safe, isn’t it?

Remember how we all clapped and cheered for our brave NHS staff because of the way they (just about) coped with the Covid pandemic? And how, when given the opportunity to actually thank them by way of a pay rise, this Government decided not to?

Well, here’s the rub, no finer example of how those that rule us don’t give a flying fig for us: the Conservative Party’s 2019 manifesto promised to make NHS parking free for “frequent outpatient attenders and staff working night shifts”. But now, just as the cost of living crisis bites, free parking for NHS hospital staff has ended.

Meanwhile, as well as being able to claim their fuel costs back on expenses, each member of Parliament is entitled to one parking permit in the Palace of Westminster, free of charge.

Alex Chilton – All We Ever Got From Them Was Pain

I don’t think it gets any clearer whose snouts are in the trough, and who is expected to pay for it, than that.

Spacemen 3 – Revolution

More soon.

You Couldn’t Get Away With This Nowadays

Today, a song out of Phil Spector’s Wall of Sound studio, written by Gerry Goffin and Carole King.

Goffin & King, an actual couple at the time, as opposed to just a song-writing pair, wrote this when they found out their babysitter – Little Eva, of “The Locomotion” fame – was being beaten by her boyfriend.


The Crystals – He Hit Me (And It Felt Like a Kiss)

Carole King has subsequently revealed that she wished she’d never had anything to do with this record; when one of the writers disowns it, you know there’s some issues there.

That, and the almost blanket refusal to give it any air-time, hasn’t stopped others providing their own take on it though; self-styled “gangster Nancy Sinatra” Lana Del Rey quotes the title in her 2014 tune “Ultraviolence”, and you have to wonder whether she’s touching on the same themes, and then you have to wonder whether that’s altogether wise:


Lana Del Rey – Ultraviolence

In 1995 Hole released a cover of “He Hit Me…” as the B-side to their single “Softer, Softest”. Of course, nobody mentioned it at the time because nobody ever listened to it. But then they did it again as part of their MTV Unplugged. We can safely write all that off as just  Courtney Love, trying to be all controversial for controversial sake.

Others have referenced it in song, but here’s Spiritualized, trying, I think, to reclaim it, “a hit” meaning something altogether different here though:


Spiritualized – She Kissed Me (It Felt Like a Hit)

More soon.

Friday Night Music Club

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a very short post – too short, so I’m told – in my “Which Reminds Me…” thread, about Kaiser Chiefs’ “Na Na Na Na Naa”.

That in turn has made me think about how songs with nonsensical titles have played quite a big part in the history of rock and pop, so I thought we’d have a look at some of them tonight.

But just like cafe’s feel obliged to write the words “Warning: Contents May Be Hot”, here’s an advance warning for you: this post contains songs of wildly varying quality. But that’s why you’re here, right? Right….?

So, let’s start with one of the greatest records ever:


283. The Crystals – Da Doo Ron Ron

Unfortunately, people of a certain age, i.e. me, can’t hear that record without being reminded of this pair:

Not got any funnier with age that, has it?

What is there to say about Little Richard that hasn’t already been said? Well, very little that isn’t defamatory, so we’ll go straight to one of his tunes:


284. Little Richard – Bama Lama Bama Loo

Bears more than a passing similarity to his own “Tutti Frutti”, that is it…?

In 1986, presumably spurred on by his former Generation X frontman Billy Idol’s solo success, guitarist Bob “Derwood” Andrews formed Westworld. Named after the Yul Brinner movie, the band had two hit singles in 1987: a great one, “Sonic Boom Boy” which made Number 11 in the UK charts, and this not so great one, which made Number 37:


 285. Westworld – Ba-Na-Na-Bam-Boo

The follow-up single, “Where The Action Is” tanked even more, not even making the Top 40, and when their debut album met with a similarly indifferent response from the UK record buying public, the writing was on the wall for the band.

A few years ago, there was a rather wonderful sitcom on BBC3 called “Him and Her”. Starring Russell Tovey as Steve (the “Him”) and Sarah Solemani as Becky (the “Her”), a young couple living together in a flat where all of the action in the first three series’ took place. With able support from the likes of Joe Wilkinson, Camille Coduri and Kerry sister-of-Russell-Howard Howard, it’s a wonderfully understated show, with no laughter track or studio audience, full of awkward silences and knowing looks. If you haven’t ever seen, I would urge you to check out.

Here’s a clip:

I mention this now because the end credits had this playing over them:


286. Lulu – Boom Bang-a-Bang

“Him and Her” was written by Stefan Golaszewski, who some of you will know for being part of the comedy sketch group “Cowards”, along with the likes of Tim Key and Tom Basden. He also wrote the equally great “Mum” which is currently showing on BBC2 at 10:00pm on Friday nights, but you wouldn’t know that because you’re here reading this on a Friday night, right? Watch it, it’s great.

More TV related shenanigans now, and a tune which again is guaranteed to bring back some happy memories for those of us “of a certain age”:


287. The Dickies – Banana Splits (Tra La La)

For those of you who have no clue what I’m talking about, when I was a kid in the 1970s, no Saturday morning was complete without watching The Banana Split Show, which would always be on at about 8am, whetting the appetite for the three and a bit hour feast of middle of the road, middle class niceness that was The Multi-Coloured Swap Shop.

The Banana Splits were a fictional rock band comprised of Fleegle, Bingo, Drooper (I wonder how he got his name….?) and Snorky, who were in essence, and sorry to shatter the illusion, four blokes in weird costumes.

Probably easier if I just show you them, I think:

I so wanted a buggy like that when I was a kid.

Wait – did I just say “Middle of the Road”…?


288. Middle Of The Road – Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep

Let’s not dwell to much on that one, eh? Instead, let me direct you this, a song which was just a bit too far ahead of the pack. Released in 1992, had it been three of four years later it would have been one of the great records of the Britpop era, by one of the most underrated  acts, led by one of the most underrated musicians ever – Lawrence, formally of Felt, now of Go-Kart Mozart (unless he’s moved on again), then of Denim. As it was, it was largely, criminally, ignored by the majority of the Great British record buying public, the fools:

I’d hoped to be able to find their appearance on “Later…”, and it’s there on YouTube, but with even worse sound/video quality than that clip. It is rather amusing to read all the “This sounds like something from the 70s” slams in the Comments under that, written by people who really didn’t understand that that was the whole point.

Time for some more puppet-based fun now, but ignore what it says on the sleeve, and give credit where credit’s due:


289. Mahna Mahna & The Two Snowths – Mahna Mahna

Nope, you’re right. I can’t resist posting the video clip of that:

What’s not to love about that?

To some early 1980s German electro now, and a record which when I saw them perform it on Top of The Pops, the lead singer scared me like nothing else on that show had since Ron Mael had glowered down the camera lens in the 1970s:


290. Trio – Da Da Da

Next to one of my favourite bands when I was a kid, cementing a place in my affections just after I’d grown bored of Shakin’ Stevens but before I’d discovered the joys of Status Quo, and, crucially, before I’d realised what a pretentious prick Sting was, and, even more crucially, before I’d ever seen him act.

From their 1980 album “Zenyatta Mondatta”, here’s:


291. The Police – De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da

I say I hadn’t worked out how pretentious Sting was, but the clues are on that album. Who else could write a lyric like this with a straight face:

“It’s no use, he sees her
He starts to shake and cough
Just like the old man in
That book by Nabokov” (from “Don’t Stand So Close To Me”)

Really, Sting? Are we supposed to believe you couldn’t think of something to rhyme with “Lolita”??

Time to round things off for this week, with two stone cold classics.


 292.Small Faces – Sha-La-La-La-Lee

And finally, you will have done very well to avoid knowing that the Euro 2016 tournament started tonight, with England’s first game on tomorrow. Now, there seems little point in me posting any football related songs – though I have loads – when you can go and pay Football and Music a visit, and find everything you ever wanted to hear, and quite a lot that you don’t (said with affection, I promise – the first comment I ever posted was on this website).

No, instead, I’m going to leave you with this song, because it mentions “Tottenham Hotspur, when they couldn’t get one in” in the lyrics.

It’s looking like there will be five Spurs players in England’s starting eleven tomorrow night. Some of them might even be lucky enough to get played in their preferred position.

I’ll be hoping that one of them, at least, manages to get one in.

You know where I’m going with this, right?


293. Chas & Dave – Gertcha

Oh, and good luck to all the Home Nations: Wales (except against us, of course), Northern Ireland, Republic of Ireland and…oh, that seems to be the end of the list.

More soon.