Late Night Stargazing

I adored Suede when they first arrived on the scene, buying all of their early singles and debut album on the day of release.

Tonight’s choice is the final track from their eponymous debut album:

84a890c2

Suede – The Next Life

The piano on that has always reminded me of something a little more high-brow, a piece of music I remembered hearing around the house often when I was as kid.

I was delighted when, a few years ago, I was watching an interview with lead Suedester Brett Anderson, where he confirmed my suspicions by revealing that it had been lifted from this, formally known as ‘Piano Sonata No. 14 in C♯ minor “Quasi una fantasia”, Op. 27, No. 2’, but more commonly known as “Moonlight Sonata”:

beethovens-moonlight-sonata-sonata-no-14-in-c-minor-quasi-una-fantasia-opus-27-2_jpg_500

Ludwig van Beethoven – Moonlight Sonata

More soon.

The Chain #27

Evening all.

Before we get going a disclaimer: if I seem a little distracted tonight, it’s because I’m trying to accomplish that task that so many (men) find difficult – multi-tasking. For tonight, whilst writing this, I am also watching Spurs in the Champions League. So, if my demeanour takes a turn for the worst towards the end, you’ll know why. (As you can see, I’m full of optimism….).

So, to business: last week I left you with “The House of the Rising Sun” by The Animals and asked for your suggestions for songs to link to it, and, as usual, you’ve not let me down with the standard of suggestion or level of link.

As is often the case, the majority of the suggestions fell into the same categories, and this time there were four

  1. Links to the names of members of the bands
  2. Links to the word “Animal(s)”
  3. Links to the word “House”
  4. Links to…erm…the oldest profession in the world.

There are a few others which we’ll sprinkle liberally throughout the post too.

  1. Band Members Names

Now, you’ll remember that the reason we’re looking at “The House of the Rising Sun” was because one of the members of the band was Chas Chandler, who went on to manage Jimi Hendrix, the subject of last week’s post, so it only seems right that we start with a Chas related record.

Also, there wasn’t that much in the way of cheese last week; this redresses that immediately.

Over to you, Charity Chic (who is going to be annoyed that I have already started one sentence with the word “So”):

“Let’s get the cheesy one out the way at the start – Chas ‘n’ Dave with Snooker Loopy”:

chasdavesnookerloopy502827

The Matchroom Mob with Chas & Dave – Snooker Loopy

Next up, is George:

“John Steel of The Animals met Alan Price in Byker. Byker Grove was a TV programme that gave us Ant and Dec…but we’ve already had Ant and Dec….I’ll start again…”

And have a word with yourself while you’re at it, George.  It was PJ and Duncan we previously featured, and as we all know, they were completely different to Ant and Dec. One of them had been tragically blinded in a bizarre paintballing accident, for a start. (“Bizarre Paintballing Accident” sounds like a suggestion from a random “New Order/Half Man Half Biscuit/Elvis Costello” title generator, doesn’t it? Actually, thinking about it, that joke works just as well with the words “New Order” and “Elvis Costello” removed from it.)

Over to Alex G from We Will Have Salad for the next name related piece of fun:

“Alan Price was in The Animals, therefore… “£20 To Get In” by Shut Up And Dance.” 

r-1596886-1303986008_jpeg

Shut Up and Dance – £20 to Get In

Time for my first suggestion of the week. Alan Price appeared in, and composed the music for, “O Lucky Man!”, a 1973 film directed by Lindsay Anderson. Five years earlier, Anderson released arguably his most iconic film, “if….” which is also the name of a famous poem by Rudyard Kipling, but is also the name of a single culminates in a glorious sing-a-long, probably my favourite song by The Bluetones,  who make their hat-trick appearance here on The Chain.

2c271f10a9bc

The Bluetones – if…

Now, here’s George with his first proper suggestion:

“Chas Chandler: a chandler was the person in charge of candles and wax, and speaking of wax leads to The Three Johns song Teenage Nightingales To Wax.”

a1468063600_10

The Three Johns – Teenage Nightingales To Wax

But before George returns with his second suggestion, here’s Dirk from Sexyloser:

“In fact, George, it should lead to Nightmares In Wax’ ‘Black Leather’ instead, bearing in mind that Pete Burns died only a few days ago.”

A fair point. I didn’t comment or mark Burns’ passing here at the time because, well, to be honest, I’m all dead pop-starred out for this year. Still, here he is:

nightmares-in-wax-black-leather-12

Nightmares In Wax – Black Leather

Back to George for his third suggestion, not to a band member, but to their manager:

“The manager of The Animals was Mickie Most. Mickie Most set up the RAK label, and Hot Chocolate were signed to that label. And the song is Emma. Which is a fine, fine pop song.”

hot-chocolate-emma-rak-jugoton

Hot Chocolate – Emma

Last one for our linking band members names, and here’s The Beard:

“Alan Price had success after leaving The Animals with Simon Smith and The Amazing Dancing Bear which was also covered by The Muppets on their debut album.”

It was, and I very nearly posted their version (it’s by Scooter, which would have led to a lot of very disappointed fans of the German dance band accidentally stumbling across this place), but the Muppets will be making an appearance later, so we’ll pass on that.

Besides, I don’t think that’s the record our Bearded Buddy was looking to nominate, as he continues:

“Animal was, of course, the drum bashing Muppet. A similar sounding drummer is Philthy Animal Taylor from Motörhead. Their single No Class is in fact pure class.

motorhead-no-class-1979

Motorhead – No Class

Which leads us rather nicely onto the next category, but before we go there: we’ve all seen over the years boy bands exploit their innocent fan base by releasing a single which featured a different member of the band on the cover? Well, who knew that such acts weren’t just restricted to the teen market….?:

9982

Time to sprinkle a little uncategorisable magic dust. And some more shameless nicking of ideas.

I’ll let The Great Gog, who suggested it, take over:

“The Animals also recorded We Gotta Get Out Of This Place, which was covered by (lovable?) 90s Scousers, Space. A couple of decades earlier, a French band of the same name came to our attention with the then futuristic-sounding Magic Fly.”

space-magic-fly

Space – Magic Fly

Take a look at that sleeve. Remind you of anyone? Seems a little bit daft, a little bit punk to me. And there was me thinking Daft Punk were ground-breaking, and it turns out they’re just rehashing ideas from their fellow countrymen from the 1970s. Luckily, very few of the UK’s current pop stars follow suit, or most of them would be in prison. Maybe that should be unluckily…

By the way, that suggestion continues a trend which I’ve encountered a couple of times since I started hosting The Chain, and which Alyson identified following my Halloween night post, a condition known as “Oh so that’s what that record’s called”. (see also “House of the King” by Focus and another one that I’ve forgotten already.)

Speaking of Focus, that hasn’t been an issue for me so far, it’s 0-0 at half time, in case you’re interested.

Last one before we start looking at the sings in the Animal(s) category, and here’s The Robster from Is This The Life?:

“Japan is known as the Land of the Rising Sun. Melt-Banana is a Japanese band who have quite a few songs that mention animals. They once released a compilation called 13 Hedgehogs which included tracks called Iguana In Trouble, Turtle vs. Bunny (Who One?) and Pig To Dog. But I’m going for the fabulously-titled Bird-Like Monkey in Cave, Singing in Drops, basically because it’s the only one of the above that breaches the 2-minute mark. (There’s also Bird-Like Monky Part 2 on the same album if you prefer – it’s just seven seconds long and for that reason might be a little more bearable for those with tender ears…)”

Regular readers will know I love Japanese bands like Shonen Knife and Puffy AmiYumi, who have a knack of stumbling across the odd cracking tune every now and then. So when The Robster suggested this lot, who I’d never heard of before, I was positively moist with anticipation:

500x500

Melt-Banana – Bird-Like Monkey In Cave, Singing In Drops

No offence, Rob, but that reminds me of this:

Let’s move on to some Animal based fun. Not that kind of fun. Purely aural fun. Not that kind of aural fun either, you mucky lot.

    2. Animals

You’ll remember that last week I had to disqualify one suggestion because, well, as far as I could establish, it was wrong. I was disappointed, as the link led to one of my favourite cover versions. I’m delighted to report that Swiss Adam from Bagging Area has taken up the challenge:

“The Animals are named after our four legged friends. On the cover of The Rockingbirds’ ‘Gradually Learning’ 12″ single the guitarist (who also plays with Edwyn Collins) is riding a horse (which is of course an animal). The Rockingbirds covered Right Said Fred’s Deeply Dippy….”

right-said-fred-deeply-dippy-columbia

The Rockingbirds – Deeply Dippy

“…which,” Swiss continues, “features several references to Spain in its lyrics. Spain is partly famous for its horses, as Roddy Frame noted.”

spanish-horses

Aztec Camera – Spanish Horses

Next, a very, very warm welcome back to Badger from When You Can’t Remember Anything, now able to type and submit his own suggestions again, and boy does he make up for lost time:

“I have three suggestions, but you don’t need to pick all three.”

Need? No. Gonna? Yes.

“Animal was the drummer in the muppets, and it was also a track from on ‘Paradise Don’t Come Cheap’ by gravel voiced hip hoppers New Kingdom. So we could have that.”

Yes, we could.

newkingdom

New Kingdom – Animal

“Or, ‘Animal Nitrate’ was a poor attempt at clever wordplay by Suede but a very fine single never the less. So that…”

23817

Suede – Animal Nitrate

“…or finally, and perhaps best of all, another word for a bunch of animals could be Animal Collective and therefore we probably need to hear ‘Brother Sport’ by them.”

animalcollective-brothersport

Animal Collective – Brother Sport

And just as I finish posting my fellow Spurs’ fan Badger’s entries, we go 0-1 down. Ho hum.

Time for the return of The Robster:

“The mentions of Animal the muppet reminds me that the Muppets appeared in the video for Weezer’s ‘Keep Fishin’” in which Miss Piggy kidnaps Pat, Weezer’s drummer, and Animal has to fill in.”

weezerkeepfishin474716

Weezer – Keep Fishin’

I can’t really let the chance to post a Weezer’s videos slide, especially when it features the Muppets:

Which leads me on to my next choice. There’s plenty of songs called “Animal”. I have deliberately picked one of the worst.

474-8-im-cover-4857

Def Leppard – Animal

That’s enough Animal based shenanigans. To category 3!

      3. House

Plenty of these, and I am now taking no notice of the television, treating it like you do the nutter on the bus, or any one you don’t know on the Tube: ignore it, maybe it’ll go away.

Here’s SWC from When You Can’t Remember Anything to kick things off:

“I’m going to down the house route. Just saying. Not sure in which direction that will take me yet. Probably ‘Rock Da House’ by who ever did that. Or ‘The Jack that House Built’”. Perhaps.”

Since I’m trying to distract myself from the football (I can’t just turn it off, obviously), you can have both whilst you think about it:

_35

The Beatmasters feat The Cookie Crew – Rok Da House

jack-n-chill-the-jack-that-house-built-10-oval

Jack ‘N’ Chill – The Jack That House Built

Which must mean it’s my turn again. This, a song I have posted before, a long time ago, is one of the finest, most often-forgotten singles from the early 1980s:

the-big-sound-authority-this-house-i-miss-my

Big Sound Authority – This House

Seems there weren’t as many of these as I thought, for here’s SWC again, although he does have two for us:

“My suggestion based on…an hour rifling through old copies of ‘Deep Heat’ is ‘Hip House’ by DJ Fast Eddie…”:

the-dj-fast-eddie-hip-house-dj-international

DJ Fast Eddie – Hip House

“…If you can’t find that then probably House of Jealous Lovers by The Rapture.”

More than happy to post that, one of the grooviest indie records to come out in the last…Jesus, was this thirteen years ago????

jealous

The Rapture – House of Jealous Lovers

So more sprinkles. Here’s Alyson from What’s It All About, Alfie?:

“Eric Burdon always looked grumpy whenever I saw him perform or in photographs. Decided it was maybe because he was also moonlighting as an ironmonger (the jackets in the HOTSR cover are just like those worn in our local shop when I was a youngster). Whenever your dad asked them for anything in the shop it was never on a shelf and they always had to go upstairs to the storeroom for it. Led me to thinking of Upstairs at Eric’s by Yazoo and I think my favourite from that album was Don’t Go.”

eric_1345671474

Yazoo – Don’t Go

For our American readers, that’s Yazz to you, which must have been very confusing when the other Yazz and her Plastic Population appeared a few years later.

Hold up, The Robster’s back, and he’s only going to suggest something else by Melt-Banana….:

“I’ve reassessed my choice of Melt-Banana track and thought maybe we should have something that vaguely resembles a song. Which led me to another compilation the band released called Return Of 13 Hedgehogs. It contained their cover of Toots & The Maytals’ ‘Monkey Man’. Certainly a mite more tuneful than ‘Bird-Like Monkey…’”

Remember earlier when I said I liked Shonen Knife and Puffy AmiYumi, who have a knack of stumbling across the odd cracking tune every now and then? Well it turns out that Melt-Banana do too, it’s just they’ve stumbled over one that isn’t one of their own:

6550352010230_main

Melt-Banana – Monkey Man

And on to the fourth and final category:

     4. The Oldest Profession in the World

You don’t need me to explain what that means, do you? You do? Erm, can you have a bash Charity Chic?

“The House of the Rising Sun was a place of ill repute. I’m told that such establishments are also known as brothels or bordellos.  So ‘Start Wearing Purple’ by Gogol Bordello please!”

startwp

Gogol Bordello – Start Wearing Purple

It’s funny how the menfolk who make suggestions here tend to feign ignorance when it comes to “being told” what kind of house is being described in The House of the Rising Sun. Take Dirk for example:

“Alright, apparently [see? – Ed] said house in the song really seems to be a brothel, a bagnio, a bordello, or, if you’d rather, a whorehouse. And this reminds me of Wreckless Eric’s ‘Semaphore Signals’. “Why’s this?”, you might be asking yourself – and quite rightly so! The truth of the matter is that for years and years I misheard the lyrics of ‘Semaphore Signals’ a little bit (blame it on my poor English, but hey – could you Englanders sing along to all of Tocotronic’s fantastic debut album? Nah, I bet your German is not good enough, right? I can though!). Either way, it was an embarrassing moment when I finally found out, albeit 15 years or so too late, that Eric says in the chorus “Messages of love down to her house” and not “Messages of love from the whorehouse”.

Still, he should have done. Perhaps. ‘Cos, whenever the tune comes up in the car when I’m on me way to work in the morning these days, I have a picture in my brain of half naked hookers waving little flags … and it always brings a stupid grin to my face!

P.S.: the Peel-Session version is marginally better than the album version.”

Mental note to self: stay off of the autobahn in the morning.

Here’s the Peel Session version, complete with a sleeve where Wreckless Eric’s name has inexplicably been mis-spelt (it’s entirely possible it’s a different Wreckless Erik, but there’s can’t be two, can there?):

wreckless_eric1

Wreckless Eric – Semaphore Signals (Peel Session)

Guys, guys…just because you know what a brothel is, it doesn’t mean you’ve been to one. Have a bit more pride on your knowledge.

Take kuttowski AKA Walter from A Few Good Times In My Life, for example, back for a second week and he’s not messing about:

“The fact that in this house the oldest profession was practiced it leads me to two songs about prostitution.” There. He’s said it. “First was Blondie’s X-Offender where she first played with her sexual attitude in front of the band.”

x-offender

Blondie – X Offender

What’s the other one, kottowski/Walter?

“The other one is ‘Killer Queen’ by Queen. Mercury made no bones about the song’s meaning, explaining, ‘It’s about a high class call girl. I’m trying to say that classy people can be whores as well. That’s what the song is about, though I’d prefer people to put their interpretation on it’.”

We don’t really need to bother, now you’ve told us, do we Freddie?

queen-killer-queen-emi-5

Queen – Killer Queen

Time that we heard from Rol of My Top Ten fame:

“Sticking with the brothel theme, I have two suggestions this week. (Both taken from My Top Ten Prostitute Songs, sorry.)

Elvis Costello – Love For Sale (or the Nina Simone version, if you prefer). Cole Porter rules.”

Now. I have looked everywhere for a copy of Nina Simone performing “Love for Sale”. I can’t find it, or any reference it. But rather than disqualifying a suggestion for the second week running, and in the unlikely event that you may have just got them mixed up somehow, you can have Billie Holliday’s version instead:

r-3787146-1344562559-7598_jpeg

Billie Holiday – Love For Sale

PS – Rol, if you can point me in the direction of Nina’s version, I’d love to hear it!

Luckily, there can be no confusion about who his next suggestion is by:

“Flight of the Conchords – You Don’t Have To Be A Prostitute (Sting has a lot to answer for.)”

There’s a further Muppet link here, too of course: Bret McKenzie won an the Best Original Song Oscar for “Man or Muppet” from their (the Muppets, not the Flights) 2011 comeback move.

Anyway, taken from, shall we say, their difficult second album, which in my opinion is patchy at best (the first album is essential listening), this is one of the better tracks:

Print

Flight of the Conchords – You Don’t Have To Be A Prostitute

Which just about wraps it up for the prostitution related songs, except, well just in case you don’t get the Sting reference, I found this when I was trying to track down the Nina Simone version of Love for Sale:

idina-menzel-live-barefoot-at-the-symphony-cd_jpg

Idina Menzel – Love For Sale/Roxanne

Now, I have no idea who Idina Menzel is, or rather I didn’t until I decided to add her to this post. She’s an actress, best know for appearing in “Glee” and more recently for being Queen Elsa in “Frozen” which apparently means it is her that sings that “Let it Go” song which seems to get referenced everywhere these days, but which I’ve never heard, nor do I ever want to, thanks very much.

Anyway, the reason I’ve included her version is for the audience reaction, which at the start of “Love for Sale”, a Cole Porter composition, is absolutely nothing, before a smattering of applause and whooping (it’s recorded in America) welcomes the second line of “Roxanne”, like the crowd have been stirred from their slumber by something they kinda recognise.

Oh, wait. I have one more song from this theme. As regular readers know, I love this band, particularly their early stuff, and this is a song which is right up there amongst my favourite ever tunes by them. Wikipedia says the song “concerns a young man’s encounter with a prostitute”, which explains why they called it “Mystery Song”. Although “Song Concerning a Young Man’s Encounter with a Prostitute” would have been a great title too, should Colorblind James Experience ever decide to cover it.

Anyway, put simply, this rocks, it rocks more than anything else on this page. So there.

6059146nl

Status Quo – Mystery Song

Incidentally, there’s a vaguely amusing story behind that song. That came out in 1976, when the band were at the height of their fame, and also well on the road to the drug addiction which made lead singer Francis Rossi’s septum fall out. When they were in the studio working on their “Blue For You” album, Rossi laced Rick Parfitt’s cup of tea with “an inordinate amount” of speed, not expecting him to drink it. You can work out how the rest of the story goes: he drank the lot, oblivious to the contents, began playing this riff and continued to do so until the rest of them left the studio, leaving him in there all night. On their return the following day, he was still sitting in the same place, playing the same riff, some twelve hours later. “I just couldn’t go wrong,” Parfitt recalls, “everywhere my fingers went on the fretboard it sounded fantastic.” Drugs, see kids. Don’t do them. Especially speed. Anyone who has read my article about what happened at Glastonbury the year I found a bag of the stuff will know I know exactly what I’m talking about.

Okay we’re on the home straight now, just some more sprinkles of magic dust to go, and to start off this final section, can we all give a very warm Chain Gang welcome to Rigid Digit from Stuff & Nonsense (and anyone with a picture of Rigsby as their avatar is alright by me):

“Approaching his 50th Birthday, John Otway asked his fans for a second hit single to follow 1977s “Really Free”. The chosen track – Bunsen Burner – nicked the music from Disco Inferno, and Otway fashioned a lyric after helping with his daughters chemistry homework. The link to House Of The Rising Sun? HOTRS was the B-Side (or second track on CD single) – the track featured 900 fans (all credited on the record sleeve) in a glorious ‘call and response'”

bunsensingle

John Otway – Bunsen Burner

And since Rigid mentioned B-Sides, here’s The Swede from Unthough of, though, somehow with something which is as far removed from Otway as one could get:

“The b-side of ‘The House of the Rising Sun’ was a cover of ‘Talkin’ ’bout You’. I’d like to suggest the Ray Charles original.”

ray-charles-talkin-bout-you-1958

Ray Charles – Talkin’ ‘Bout You

Here’s The Beard, back for a second stab:

“Can I have another go, please? Ta. Be warned, this one is more than a little convoluted…”

Excellent. The Beard’s links are becoming my favourite links here each week, if not for the songs, then the reason he gives. As close to Comment Showboating as anyone has managed this week (apart from my quite brilliant even if I do say so myself link to The Bluetones). Time for the rest of you to up your game, I think.

“The Rising Sun is a pub on Beverley Road in Hull. Grafton Street is a thoroughfare, one end of which comes out on Beverley Road. Down Grafton Street is The Grafton, the pub where the video for Happy Hour by The Housemartins was filmed. Phill Jupitus appears in the video. He was also a captain on Never Mind the Buzzcocks. Howard Devoto left Buzzcocks to form Magazine. A Song From Under The Floorboards by Magazine is fanruddytastic.”

Ain’t that the truth:

magazine-song-from-under-the-floor-boards

Magazine – A Song From Under The Floorboards

And that would be that, had The Beard’s suggestion not prompted a couple of further ideas from Rol, which I’ll allow, as they’re the next step on a couple of references The Beard makes. Plus, Rol is as brief as brief can be (although, just to be contrary, I’m posting them in the different order to suggested, just because his first suggestion sounds more like an end of the show track than his second to me):

“1.”

1fd9a0bb

The National – The Geese Of Beverly Road

and

“2.”

cs1782741-02a-big

The Beautiful South – The Rising Up of Grafton Street

Which means all that’s left is to reveal the next song in the official Chain, and the reason behind it, and see if we all go “Well, mine was better than that….” as we do most weeks:

So: here’s the reason:

“…The House of the Rising Sun was in New Orleans. And Dr John comes from New Orleans, therefore…”

…this is the song:

dr_%20john%20-%20in%20the%20right%20place

27. Dr. John – Such A Night

Well, mine were way…oh, okay fair enough.

So folks, let me have your suggestions of songs which link to Such a Night by Dr John via the Comments page below, along with a description of how you have linked from one t’other.

See you next week, if not before.

More soon.

It’s Make Your Mind Up Time

So, today’s the day that I can legitimately visit my local primary school without being eyed suspiciously by all the parents. For today, I get to cast my vote in the EU Referendum.

This was going to be a very short post, where I simply posted this song, left those of you able to vote to ponder your decision, and went about my day:

the_clash-should_i_stay_or_should_i_go_s_5

The Clash – Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

I wasn’t going to bang on about which way I’m going to vote, figuring that you can probably guess from my Election posts last year, or if you follow me on Twitter, which box my cross is going into.

But then a few things happened which made me reconsider.

Firstly, I re-listened to the tune, and realised that the lyrics “If I go there will be trouble, but if I stay it will be double” didn’t really convey my thoughts on the Referendum particularly accurately. Quite the opposite, in fact.

Secondly, the exact same song got posted over at “What’s It All About, Alfie?” earlier today, so I figured I needed to up my game a bity (no offence; I’ve only recently found this blog, and am very much enjoying it. You should check it out too). I also figured I could have spared myself a lot of time had I just remembered to post this a bit earlier in the day.

Thirdly, if we believe the polls (and Brexiters will never believe the Poles, unless they’re giving them a really cheap quote, in which case, they’re fine), it is very finely balanced between the Leave and the Remain camps. Some say Leave are marginally ahead, some say Remain are.

So, banging on it is then.

And let me pin my colours to the mast right from the start: I will be voting to Remain.

If you will also be voting to Remain, hello, you’re very welcome, stay as long as you like. Oh, I love your shoes!

If you have no intention of voting, or have not yet made up your mind, then stick around. Maybe something I say, or play, will strike a chord with you. You’re looking great, by the way; have you been working out?

But if you will definitely be voting to Leave, I’d recommend that you read no further. We’ll only fall out.

(Have they gone? Good, then I’ll begin)

So first, let’s talk about those of you who might be thinking of not voting. You should. You really should. This is one of the most important decisions that the British public has been asked in a very long time, and it may be the only time you get to have such a say.

So, if you can’t be bothered with voting, you don’t deserve a dedication, but you’re going to get one whether you like it or not:

petrol

That Petrol Emotion – Big Decision

No, if ever there was an occasion where your country needed you, in a non-violent, non-war sense, then it is today. So. Stop. Take your time, and above all:

the-housemartins-think-for-a-minute-new-version-go-discs

The Housemartins – Think For A Minute (New Version)

I appreciate that this is not an easy decision, not as straight-forward as simply sticking with the political party you normally side with. Well, not for me it isn’t. I’ve voted the same way at every local, general or European election since I was able to vote, no matter how futile that vote may have seemed: I grew up in former Conservative Prime Minister John Major’s constituency, and the year that he got elected as PM I may as well have voted for Lord Buckethead, who was also standing against him.

But this time, the political lines are blurred. Whichever way I vote, I’m going to be agreeing with somebody who, essentially, I think is an utter cock.

I’m no fan of Cameron or Osbourne. But I’m buggered if I’m going to side with this motley crew of ne’er-do-wells (in no particular order of ne’er-do-well-ness): Boris Johnson, Michael Gove, Nigel Farage, George Galloway, Britain First, Rupert Murdoch, Katie Hopkins, David Icke, for fuck’s sake even Donald Trump! (If Motley Crue had to pick a side, I’d have found this whole process a lot easier, of course).

Boris Johnson: a man who spent eight years as the Mayor of London, eight years where I can think of not one positive thing that he contributed to making our capital city in any way safer or better. A man who pledged to end rough sleeping in London by 2012, but then ignored the fact that the figure had risen from 3,673 in 2009 to 7,500 in 2012. A man who ran up taxi bills of £4,698 in one year, including one for £237.00 for a seven mile journey. How is that even possible?? A man who thinks that shamelessly playing the buffoon endears him to us. A man who has positioned himself as the most ardent and prominent of Leave campaigners, yet who, just two weeks before announcing he would be supporting the Brexit camp, wrote this in his column in The Daily Telegraph:

“It is also true that the single market is of considerable value to many UK companies and consumers, and that leaving would cause at least some business uncertainty, while embroiling the Government for several years in a fiddly process of negotiating new arrangements, so diverting energy from the real problems of this country – low skills, low social mobility, low investment etc – that have nothing to do with Europe.”

Or, in 2013 when he said this:

“Most of our problems are not caused by Brussels. My ideal world is: we’re there, we’re in the EU, trying to make it better.”

Bit of  change of heart, eh? What could possibly have prompted that? The notion of taking over from David Cameron as the next leader of the Conservative Party, possibly the next Prime Minister, even? Johnson is without doubt a shameless charlatan, a career politician, who gives not two hoots about anyone other than himself.

Michael Gove: putting aside his immense popularity following his performance as Education Secretary – where the National Association of Head Teachers, the Association of Teachers and Lecturers, the National Union of Teachers and the National Association of Schoolmasters Union of Women Teachers all turned in votes of “No Confidence” against him – he’s had a phenomenal last couple of days of campaigning.

On Wednesday, he had to apologise for comparing economic experts’ – who probably know what they’re talking about, you’d think – warnings about leaving the European Union with the Nazis who denounced Albert Einstein in the 1930s.

On Tuesday, Gove announced that former Liverpool and England footballer John Barnes was backing the Leave campaign, only for this to happen:

Yes, that’s John Barnes turning up on Sky News, of all places, to set the record straight. (Someone should tell him that Euro 2016 is happening in France, not South Africa, though.)

Nigel Farage: last year, there was a General Election. In that General Election, we all agreed on something: we did not want this man anywhere near our system of Government. He was soundly beaten in his constituency.

He hates the EU, does Nigel. Hates them so much, that he left the Conservative Party in a huff in 1992 because they signed the Maastricht Treaty. And guess what he did then? Yup, became an MEP. What’s an MEP, you may ask? An MEP is a Member of the European Parliament.

In 2009, Farage was asked what he had received in non-salary expenses and allowances since becoming an MEP in 1999, he said this:

“It is a vast sum…I don’t know what the total amount is but – it must be pushing £2 million.” 

Pretty happy with being in the EU then, wasn’t he?

Hardly a surprise then, that when asked, in the wake of the Panama Papers scandal in April this year, if he was going to publish his tax returns – like David Cameron, Jeremy Corbyn and, yes, even Boris Johnson had done or pledged to do – Farage said:

“The answer from me is no. A big no.” 

Strange that, eh?

And when about when he was an MEP? Surely, he fought tooth and nail for the rights of good, proud, honest British workers, right? Well, no, not exactly. During his time as an MEP, there were 38 votes on European fisheries policies, each one of which would have affected the British fishing industry. Farage voted just 9 times out of those 38 votes. Presumably the pubs were open when the other 29 took place, or perhaps he’d found an excellent tobacconist.

Farage, of course, is the leader of UKIP, a political party which prides itself on its stance against immigrants, coming over here, stealing jobs from good, proud, honest British workers. But let’s ignore the fact that Farage is a hypocrite, since he himself is of French descent, and is married to a German lady, who he also employs as his parliamentary secretary.

No, let’s focus instead on the downright lies and frankly racist comments he has made during this campaign. That he signed off on and stood in front of this poster campaign:

ClEQ9YSWEAAPAbY

…ignoring the fact that that picture shows Syrian refugees – trying to escape ISIS – going from Slovenia into Croatia, not the UK. And that we have border controls.

The stuff about refugees and immigrants flooding the UK is not just a lie, it’s scaremongering of the worst kind.

And the biggest lie? This nonsense about us paying £350 million a week to the EU. Here’s the truth:

Coupled with that, there was the Leave claim that they would make £8 billion available for the NHS, which they said was supported by the Institute for Fiscal Studies (IFS). Here’s what the IFS felt compelled to say in response:

CkRx00fUUAA71LV

And then there’s Britain First. Normally I would not waste my time discussing them. But this is worth mentioning: on June 13th, they posted this on their Facebook page:

23649-i6t68y

Yes. Yes they did fight for a free Britain. For that picture is of the No. 310 RAF Squadron, formed in Duxford in 1940, and piloted by officers who escaped Czechoslovakia after the German occupation. They came over here, flying our planes and defending us against the Nazis…

You don’t need me to tell you why siding with the rest in that list – just to remind you, that’s George Galloway, Rupert Murdoch, Katie Hopkins, David Icke, Donald Trump to name but a few pre-Leavers – does not show you in a good light, do you?

That said, the whole campaign has, in my book, been utterly shameful, with neither the Brexit (God, I really hate that phrase) or the Remain camps covering themselves in glory. But it seems to me that the Leave campaign have been the most guilty of peddling lies.

Time for a song:

littlelies45

Fleetwood Mac – Little Lies

Up until the week or so, the campaign had been, nasty, sordid, unpleasant. And then it took a truly nightmarish twist.

On Wednesday, Remain supporter and Labour MP Yvette Cooper received this Tweet:

ClgSFzmWkAAJsH2

He seems nice.

I imagine, Yvette Cooper gets trolled quite a lot on Twitter. Many people, especially women, in the limelight do, by idiots and cowards, taking a breather from tossing themselves off over the comments section in The Mail Online.

But given the events of 16th June 2016, there’s no room for this kind of stuff. There wasn’t before, truth be told.

On 16th June 2016 Labour MP Jo Cox, a Remain supporter and tireless campaigner for refugees and women’s rights, was murdered on her way to hold a surgery in her constituency. Shot, stabbed, and kicked as she lay dieing. A witness has reported that he heard the murderer shout either “Britain First” or “Put Britain First”.

And, although campaigning in the EU Referendum was suspended as a mark of respect for two days following the shocking events, when they resumed it wasn’t long before her death, and the possible reason for her death, took centre stage in the debate. Nigel Farage – who else? – claimed that David Cameron and George Osborne had tried to link her murder to the Leave campaign.

“I think there are Remain camp supporters out there who are using this to try to give the impression that this isolated horrific incident is somehow linked to arguments that have been made by myself or Michael Gove or anybody else in this campaign, and frankly that is wrong.”

Which of course, is something which could be levelled against me for mentioning it in this post. No: I’m merely reporting. Although, given the rhetoric the Leave campaign has used throughout, and which Britain First use as a matter of course, I’m not sure that you can totally disassociate yourself from a man who, when appearing in Court to face charges under the ‘terrorism protocol’ gave his name as “Death to traitors, freedom for Britain.”

Britain First of course, also tried to distance themselves from the alleged murderer, and some of their sympathisers tried to follow suit. With breath-taking results:

ClFQhpSWAAQ2Si6

Chapeau, sir, chapeau.

Anyway, Cameron’s response was this:

“What I have been talking about in respect of Jo is what a wonderful human being and great politician and great campaigner she was….What everyone has been saying, and what I say again, is paying tribute not only to her but the values she lived by and epitomised in public life of tolerance, of service, of community. That’s what we are saying about her.”

All I will say is that Farage’s silence was noticeable after Jo’s widower, Brendan, gave this interview:

I’m not saying that Jo Cox was murdered because she was a Remain campaigner. It’s not that black or white. Very little is. I am saying that she was murdered because of her political views, which included a belief that we’ll be better off remaining in the EU. And her bereaved husband agrees.

But it doesn’t matter what I think. Not really. For much as the Leave campaigners have scoffed, stamped their feet, and feigned outrage at the mere suggestion that there could be a link between the person who murdered Jo Cox and their campaign, yesterday there was a memorial service for Jo in Trafalgar Square. And this happened:

jo-cox-leave-plane

That, in case you can’t make it out, is a plane carrying a banner which reads “Take Control #Vote Leave” which repeatedly flew over Trafalgar Square, just as Jo’s widower was giving a speech in her honour.

Words cannot express how tasteless that is.

Just to be clear: I’m not saying that all who support the Leave campaign are racists. But you can bet that every racist will vote Leave.

So today, please vote. It’s important. Think about not just which side you’re on, but whose side you’re on. And make the right decision, whatever you may think that is.

Some songs:

R-502873-1162247692_jpeg

Billy Bragg – Which Side Are You On?

13716

Suede – Stay Together

And if you won’t listen to me or Brett and the boys from Suede, then maybe you’ll listen to the Reverend:

MI0000017162

Al Green – Let’s Stay Together

More soon.

Friday Night Music Club

Evening Dubious Records fans!

You’ll be relieved to hear that tonight is the last in my snappily titled “Songs With The Same Name As Television Programmes, But Which Are Not The Actual Theme Tune, Or A Cover Version Of The Theme Tune Of The Programme In Question” series of TV  themed posts here. You may even be as relieved as me, because frankly I’m bored of this idea now, so you’ll excuse me if I rattle through this lot, won’t you? Good.

So let’s start off with this little beauty:

Britain

254. Aztec Camera feat. Mick Jones – Good Morning Britain

Apparently there have been two versions of Good Morning Britain on UK television: one which ran from 1983 until 1992, and then, when ITV finally admitted that they have no ideas for original television left, they relaunched it in 2014.

I have to confess, I’ve never seen it, for one simple reason: it’s on in the morning. Faced with the daily dilemma of having an extra half an hour in bed, or getting up to watch Anne Diamond and Nick Owen (in the first incarnation), or Susanna Reid and Ben Shephard in the current run, well…thirty minutes of unfettered slumber wins every time.

Plus, phone-hacker (allegedly – Legal Ed), professional slimeball (yup, that’s fine – Legal Ed) and, worst of all, Arsenal fan Piers Morgan joined the team in November 2015, and I really don’t want to start my day by getting that angry.

Morgan recently hosted a two part documentary called “Killer Women”, where he interviewed women incarcerated for committing murder. Annoyingly, not one of them seized this golden opportunity, and he survived the shoot. Come on ladies, you have reputations to think about. That’s a definite “Must Try Harder”.

Now we dip our toes into the world of cartoons:

Dweeb_-_Scooby_Doo_1024x1024

255. Dweeb – Scooby Doo

Hailing from Watford, and formed after they saw Bis in concert, this lot sound like a prototype version of Busted.Which may or may not be a bad thing, depending on your viewpoint.

Rumours that they released a far inferior follow-up single called “…& Scrappy Doo!” are yet to be disproven. Or investigated, for that matter.

And now for something completely different.

2012PalmaViolets180Press171212

256. Palma Violets – Last Of The Summer Wine

I’m not sure what this song, other than sharing a name, has to do with the longest-running UK sitcom ever (airing for 31 series from 1973 through to 2010), which became a Sunday night staple for many, nestling in between “Songs of Praise” and “Antiques Roadshow”.

Want to know how funny it is? The most oft cited scene involved a pensioner sliding down a hill in a bathtub. Yup, that funny.

Time for a bit of a cheat. This next record gets the title ever so slightly wrong, and if I was being kind I’d probably say it’s because the correct title doesn’t really scan all that well. If I was being unkind, however, I’d suggest it was more likely that it’s because Pete Doherty was so off his face on horse when he wrote it, he had no idea what he was doing, the heroin-guzzling fool:

 libs

257. The Libertines – What Became Of The Likely Lads

Want to know how funny The Libertines are? (I mean intentionally, not unintentionally funny…) According to Carl Barât, in the cover photo above, Doherty isn’t actually wearing a watch. Oh you guys slay me.

The sitcom it tries hard to reference was, of course, one of the finest from the 1970s, “Whatever Happened to The Likely Lads?”, the follow-up to the 1960s sitcom “The Likely Lads”, and picks up the story of best mates Bob and Terry, played by Rodney Bewes and James Bolam respectively, five years after the original series ended, with Terry returning to the North East after a spell in the army, and finding that Bob is now married and settled down. It’s funnier than I just made that sound, honest.

It also has one of the loveliest theme tunes ever (although sentimentality may be clouding my judgement there), performed by a band who’s name makes them sound like a UK Eurovision reject from the 1980s, or a fictional act from Peter Kay’s Phoenix Nights:

highly-likely-whatever-happened-to-you-likely-lads-theme-philips-2

Highly Likely – What Happened to You? (Theme to “Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads?”)

Actually, now I listen to it again, it doesn’t really need any more than just the chorus, does it?

 I think it must, by now, be Britpop o’clock:

Suede+Metal+Mickey+83993

258. Suede – Metal Mickey

When Suede first started releasing singles, they were near perfect, with the additional tracks as good as, if not better, than the A-Side, and this carried on pretty much until the moment Bernard Butler left. Coincidence? I think not.

Metal Mickey was the second single from their debut, eponymous album and so falls squarely in this purple patch. It also shares it’s name with a 1980s TV show; here’s the opening credits, with backing vocals provided by Steven Hawking:

Metal Mickey was a five foot tall metal robot who’s catchphrase was “Boogie Boogie”, and should not be confused with Twiki from “Buck Rogers in the 25th Century”, a four foot tall metal robot who’s catchphrase was “Biddlybiddlybiddlybiddly”. My grasp of futuristic robot jargon is a little ropey, so he sounded like this:

A change of pace now. The Wedding Present have a bit of a reputation for producing songs about relationships breaking down, but on their 1989 album “Bizarro” a different lyrical topic was addressed in “Bewitched”: stalking.

The lyrics are unsettling enough, but the music fits the subject perfectly; it’s brooding, menacing, it’s practically hiding in the bushes, going through your bins. It also displays perfect quiet-loud-quiet credentials, seemingly petering out with a whimper before exploding in what you hope is just an aural rather than physical assault.

Much as I bang on about what a great song from the same album “Kennedy” is (because it is, and I will doubtless bang on about it again sometime), “Bewitched” is just sublime and more than a little bit unsettling, a template for some of the songs which were to appear on the next album, the Steve Albini-produced “Seamonsters”.

Have a listen for yourself:

41AqV+b3EBL__SS500_

259. The Wedding Present – Bewitched

By contrast, “Bewitched” the 1960 US TV series told the story of a witch called Samantha trying to live the life of a suburban housewife. It’s theme tune could not be any more different to the aforementioned song with the same name:

Back in 1981, ABBA released their penultimate album, “Super Trouper”, and in the process scored their fourth of five consecutive UK Number One albums.

This was the lead single from it, also a Number One in the UK and, no matter what you might think about ABBA and the “Mama Mia!” franchise, it’s difficult to argue against this being one of the most magnificent break-up singles ever. Although I’m sure somebody will.

Winner_Takes_It_All

260. ABBA – The Winner Takes It All

Again, I’m allowing this as it’s title is really quite close to a TV show I remember from my childhood, a quiz show, hosted by Jimmy “ho-ho!” Tarbuck, the rules of which temporarily escape me, so just watch this, if for no other reason than to see just how much TV game shows – and fashions – have changed since 1976:

Ok, last record time.

When I was a student, when I wasn’t staying up late to watch “Get Stuffed” I’d often find myself watching the frankly ruddy marvellous “Married With Children”, which was like a live action version of The Simpsons, with hard done by father and shoe salesman Al Bundy in the Homer role. Here’s what nowadays would be called his best bits:

The show gave us two future stars: Ed O’Neill (who these days can be seen in smash comedy “Modern Family”) and Christina Applegate, who has turned up in so many great shows and movies, from “Friends” to “Anchorman”, it’s pretty hard to keep up with her.

So I won’t try to. I’ll just play you this, the final track from Oasis’ never-bettered debut album “Definitely Maybe”:

definitely-maybe-whatever

261. Oasis – Married With Children

And that’s yer lot. And yes, that is my idea of “rattling through” them.

Next week, I think we’ll take a break from having themes here on a Friday Night and just have some tunes to make your weekend. Deal?

More soon.

Glastonbury, So Much To Answer For (Part 4b)

And so to Saturday.

I am knackered from Friday night. Sadly, not from any late night dad-dancing into the small hours, but because the trudge back from the Park Stage was a real ball-ache. The rain, you see, the rain. Although it had stopped a few hours earlier, the damage was done, pathways churned up by 175,000 revellers desperate to get to Avalon, to Silver Hayes (the new name for the Dance Tents, though quite what was wrong with calling them the Dance Tents is beyond me. Maybe it was a bit too Ronseal. Perhaps in years to come the Pyramid Stage will be rechristened The Pointy Place) to The Glade, to Arcadia.

Arcadia is close to where we are camped, and the central feature is used as a reference point to guide us back to our tents. At night-time it’s easy to spot, a giant spidery thing which spurts fire, like this:

glastonbury-2015---friday-3-1435443351-view-0

Fairly noticeable, right? But during the day, there it stands, sans flames, sans booming techno, sans massive throng of people. Every time I walk past it in the day time, cold and stationary, legs akimbo, it strikes me as being almost gynaecological, which reminds me I really must start my therapy again sometime. And phone my mother.

Anyway, Saturday, and I emerge from my tent to find the weather overcast and, without doing anything as sensible as either checking a) what effect the rain had actually had on the terrain, or b) the little book around my neck with the running order on it, I decide to return to my tent, in frankly a bit of a sulk.

I have it in my head that there’s nobody I want to see until Burt Bacharach on the Pyramid. I am wrong, and I am a twat. This assumption means I miss one of the acts I really wanted to see: Courtney Barnett. When I get home, I plough through all the BBC Glastonbury stuff I recorded, find this and I immediately regret not seeing her. There’s something about this, maybe the almost spoken delivery of the verses that reminds me of Sheryl Crow’s “All I Wanna Do” which is no bad thing in my book. (To add to my misery, when researching this post – and yes, I do research, though you’d be hard pushed to notice it – I find this duet with one of my heroes, Evan Dando and I’m even more gutted to have missed her.)

When I resurface, I find that I have managed to miss a couple of young lady guests that Andy has brought over to the camp site for a barbecue. I also find much hilarity ensuing at what Dean has brought to assist with the barbecues:

11665664_10152978101428202_9040022634301043028_n

(With thanks to Chad for the photo and for reminding me about this).

I pull my wellies on and head to the Pyramid. The ground is firm. I curse my glass-half-empty thoughts about the state the terrain would be in, and pitch up to watch Burt Bacharach.

He is, and I hate to say this about a living legend, a wee bit disappointing. It’s not so much the fact that he doesn’t actually sing many of the songs himself: he’s never really been renowned for his singing prowess, and when he does venture to give his tonsils an airing it’s croakier than Kermit in need of a lozenge.

But I have a couple of other issues with his set. Firstly, we rarely get to hear a song all of the way through. This is kind of understandable, when you think about the vast back catalogue of classic songs he wrote or co-wrote with Hal David. Burt wants to appease each and every one of us by performing the one we like, and the only way to do that is to only perform a bit of each. And so, Pyramid becomes Medley-Central for the next hour.

The other problem is that we associate most of his songs with absolute classic, legendary singers: Aretha Franklin, Dusty Springfield, Dionne Warwick, Sandie Shaw, Tom Jones …er…Cilla Black…um……Christopher Cross… oh you know, classic, legendary singers.

But what we get are three singers performing snippets of these great, great songs who, whilst very good, are just a little bit cruise ship. They’re never going to do these wonderful songs justice and certainly aren’t going to really affect the on-looking crowd. It’s all just a bit….bland.

Anyway, here’s Raindrops Keep Fallin’ On My Head (which would have been better had he played it on Friday evening) and the utterly schmaltzy That’s What Friends Are For.

Next up is Paloma Faith. I’ve always had a bit of a soft-spot for this bat-shit crazy flame haired Hackney-ite, mostly from her flirtatious appearances alongside Noel Fielding on “…Buzzcocks” and I quite like a couple of songs off her first album. (On the matter of Noel Fielding, if you’ve never heard him tell the story of the time he went missing from his own tour, and was found working in a second hand vintage clothing shop in Brighton, then listen to this: funny as fuck.)

I am totally unprepared for just how much of a show-woman she is; she looks amazing, puts on an utterly spellbinding set, and I don’t really mind that I only know one of her songs (putting aside her frankly inexplicable decision to cover Purple Haze), or that she wants to get off her chest something about a bad thing that the red-tops have written about her, of which most of us have no knowledge, but seems to be about her saying she hates Glastonbury. Paloma: we know The Sun is full of bollocks, there really is no need to clarify.

Anyway, she clearly doesn’t hate Glastonbury. She clearly loves it and has an absolute ball.

She has as much of a blast as we all do watching her. Here’s her doing “Only Love Can Hurt Like This” but the crowd goes uber-wild when she wheels on two blokes behind keyboards/decks; they are apparently called Sigma, they are more than adept at pretending they are actually doing something with their keyboards/decks other than pressing Play, and they rattle through “Changing“, the crowd going mental joining in the “Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh” chorus (they don’t write ’em like that anymore) and I have never felt older.

As Paloma finishes, I espy Chad, Llyr, Emily, Andrew and Cara wending their way through the crowd. I join them, and after much standing around (mostly trying to work out where Andy is – we know he has his magical alchemy vodka drinks and we therefore need him) we make our way down the slope to a decent clearing ready for the next act: Pharrell Williams. Located, Andy passes me a bottle full of chocolate vodka, a swig and all is right with the world.

Pharrell is essentially the warm up guy for Saturday night’s headliner, Kanye West. Emily has written “Kan” in lipstick on her right cheek, and “Yay!” on her left in anticipation of the main event, which could also be construed as a show of strength and unity: his booking has been massively criticised, an on-line petition against his appearance at the festival has attracted waaaaay to many signatories from reactionaries and racists, and its refreshing to see someone wear their heart on their, errr, cheeks.

11748771_10153361548215266_1553584982_n

To be honest, the Eavis’ need not have booked Kanye, for Pharrell utterly owns the Pyramid Stage for the next hour or so. He treats us not just to his solo stuff, but to just about every record he has ever been involved in (actually, that’s not true – we’d still be there if he did that), so we get treated to a barrage of Pharrell’s Greatest Hits: “Frontin“, “Marilyn Monroe“, “Hot in Herre” (yes, I have chosen the magnificently camp Tiga version over the Nelly one there); “Lap Dance“, “She Wants to Move“, “Hollaback Girl“, a triumphant and glorious version of “Get Lucky” and we even manage to cast our liberal outrage aside to dance and sing-a-long to misogynist sex-fest “Blurred Lines” on the strict proviso that he doesn’t wheel out misogynist sex-pest Robin Thicke to co-perform it.

Pharrell’s set is embellished by a group of highly gyratory dancers, and also by ushering on stage a load of your common-or-garden punters, the male section of which seem to be hurried off equally quickly, leaving a group of awkward but star-struck young ladies to frug their way through a couple of songs whilst Pharrell and his enclave direct us to watch a dancer literally standing on her head and spinning. If this is what spinning classes involve, then I’m glad I’ve avoided them (and anything else which vaguely resembles a gym class).

Pharrell’s set is book-ended by an intro and super-long crowd sing-a-long-a-climax of “Freedom“, complete with cute kids brought on stage to stand and look cute, and then he is off, taking his Adidas-arse-logoed jeans with him and allowing the BBC producers to breathe again without fear of allegations of product placement being launched against them.

Now then. The Big One. Kanye. It can’t have escaped your attention that his set was, shall we say, more than a little contentious. I have no intention watching him. But let me set my position straight: I have no issue with Kanye West headlining the Pyramid Stage at Glastonbury. He’s not my cup of tea, so I won’t be joining in, but I appreciate that there’s a lot of people here who do want to see him, and I think he’s earned the right to be here. I had the same feeling about Jay-Z when he headlined a few years ago – I wasn’t there, probably wouldn’t have watched him if I had been, but those who did, fair play, enjoy!

The comparison between Jay-Z’s appearance and Glastonbury and Kanye’s is an interesting one. Both attracted quite the media storm when their appearances were announced (Noel: I think you’re often quite the amusing rent-a-mouth, but you just came across as a bit of a dick on the Jay-Z issue) but only one came away from their Saturday Night Glasto set with their integrity and standing intact, and it wasn’t Kanye. Why? Well, I watched the footage back when I got home, and it seemed to me the difference was that whilst Jay-Z was all charm personified, Kanye just seemed determined to prove himself to be a serious artiste.

Oh, and Jay-Z probably knows how Bohemian Rhapsody goes, and wouldn’t have attempted to ingratiate himself by singing it anyway.

And from what I gather from all those who stayed and watched him, and from the oh so many comments posted on social media, nobody else bought it either.

In short: Kanye bombed.

I later learn that Emily has changed the “Yay!” on her right cheek to “Nay!”, thereby earning herself some additional cool points which she really didn’t need, and effortlessly summing up the Saturday night headliner at the Pyramid.

11721427_10153361548425266_1436312649_n

As I said, I have decided not to watch Kanye. I am going to watch Suede. Suede are a band I was moderately obsessed with in the early 90s; I bought all of their early singles on the day they were released, along with the accompanying t-shirt of each, but somehow I have managed to never see them live. Well, not a full gig anyway. I have wandered past the Pyramid before and caught a snippet of them, but a full gig? Nosireebob.

As soon as Pharrell finishes, I announce I am off and I make my way to the John Peel stage. I am early and am delighted to catch the end of La Roux’s set. Her performance of “Bulletproof” is awesome and almost – but not  quite – gets these old bones a-dancing (they’re knackered from dancing to Pharell).

Getting inside the tent for Suede is a non-starter, so I position myself outside in my little fold-up chair, in front of a flag (so nobody could sneak up behind me and steal my chair/booze/etc), ciders a-ready for quaffing.

It turns out to be quite a wise decision: I can see the stage and one of the screens, and a bit more importantly I can hear perfectly, and Suede are just…awesome. Brett Anderson is on great form, a lithe prowling skinny narcissist, working the crowd like a true pro. Five songs in and I’m in heaven: we’ve had Pantomime Horse, Moving, Trash, Animal Nitrate, We Are The Pigs….Suede were well and truly tearing up the John Peel Stage. Watch it here, listen to it all here, or if you just want a couple of numbers, then here’s Beautiful Ones and glorious come-back single “It Starts and Ends With You

Filled with Britpop joy, I head home, fall into my tent and lay there, listening to the world go by. I’m fairly close to a pathway, and at one point I hear two people walking past, discussing Kanye.

“I quite like him, actually”

“What, even now? Before and after?”

“Before: yes. After: No, he was shit. I’d defend him, but not that far!”

I realise I made the right decision and fall into snooze-mode.