Yup. Damn right I’m carrying on with this.
Picture the scene: it’s March 1984, and freshly imbued with the success of Now That’s What I Call Music, the suits at Sony Music and Universal Music decided there were more bucks to be made from this compilation mullarkey, and so they lobbed out Volume 2 in the series.
Let’s see what pop singles they considered to be worthy of flagging to us this time around, shall we? And don’t be shy, ‘fess up to those atrocities you bought back in the day via the Comments section; trust me, you’ll feel free from the burden of embarrasment if you do. I’ll be ‘fessing up, and also dropping any I remember my brother owning too, jusy to annoy him.
Disc 1, Side 1
A song, written by drummer Roger Taylor, which mourns the passing of time and the progress of technology. Still, we can all do a synchronised communal clapping, which should distract us all from noticing how thin Freddie’s starting to look.
2. Nik Kershaw – Wouldn’t It Be Good
Snood alert!
3. Thompson Twins – Hold Me Now
Named after the the two bumbling detectives Thomson and Thompson in the Tin Tin series of comic novels, they were in fact a three-some, although this number had been stripped down from at least seven members before they found success. My brother, much as he may protest, bought their Into The Gap album and I’m pretty sure briefly joined their fanclub. Doctor, Doctor, indeed.
4. Matt Bianco – Get Out of Your Lazy Bed
You know where I’m going with this. The thing that Matt Bianco are best remembered for is not their *reads notes* “irresistable blend of jazz and Latin-flavoured music”. it’s for this moment when they appeared on a Saturday morning kid’s show in 1984, engaged in a phone-in, where fans could call in and ask their musical heroes anything they liked:
And that’s why we now have wall-to-wall cookery shows on TV on a weekend morning.
Another that my brother owned, and this time, no complaints. Carmel should have been a huge star.
One of their odder singles, and no less brilliant because of it.
I’m always reminded of this when I hear it:
And, of course, this:
Comedy genius moments both.
Shall we have another tune? You may regret saying yes…
7. The Flying Pickets – Only You
This lot were a bunch of between-jobs actors, who got together to record some a capella versions of popular songs, and scored a surprise Christmas #1 with this, their take on Yazoo’s #2 hit single from 1982. Given that he has written so many catchy electro-pop singles, it must stick in Vince Clarke’s throat that the only two #1s he achieved were The Pickets’s version of this, and an ABBA cover when he was one half of Erasure.
The main bloke from The Flying Pickets was a chap called Brian Hibbard. Shortly after finding success in The Pickets, he landed a role in Coronation Street. He used to drink in a pub in Cardiff I occasionally frequented, The Royal Oak.
I’d often see him there, sitting at the bar. Normally, when I see a celebrity out in the wild, I’ll leave them be, decide not to bother them, and that’s probably because of the one time that I actually approached one. Him. I asked him this: How did it feel to steal Mike Baldwin’s Jag? (I had, of course, neglected to take into account that this was the point when he was written out of Britain’s top soap). His answer, predictably, rightly, was this: “Fuck off, mate.”
Lesson learned.
Disc 1, Side 2
Bloody hell, we all fancied Nena when we were young, hairy German armpits and all. Shame she never released anything else that bothered the charts here in the UK.
9. Cyndi Lauper – Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
The soundtrack to a billion awful hen do’s. God I hate this record. She made many better, less succesful songs, hopefully one of them will come up later. My brother bought the She’s So Unusual album this sits on, which I’ll admit has it’s moments (She Bop and the later single I bought by her…)
I wrote about Tracey’s brief pop career here, so read that if you want some background.
11. Matthew Wilder – Break My Stride
Vomit-inducing positivity.
12. Julia & Company – Breakin’ Down (Sugar Samba)
Since I started posting streaming links to songs rather than an mp3 download from my own collection, it’s rare that I come across a song which none of the main streaming platforms are able to offer. But such is the case with this one. Read into that what you will.
13. Joe Fagin – That’s Living Alright
And yet the streaming platforms have this….
This was the theme tune to the hugely popular TV series Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, which, written by Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais (authors of Porridge and The Likely Lads, to name just two), told the story of a bunch of (mostly Geordie) labourers, working in Germany. It kick-started the acting careers of Jimmy Nail (thanks for that!), Kevin Whateley, Tim Healey and Timothy Spall, to name but a few.
Many years ago, at a gathering at mine and Hel’s flat, I promised a Geordie friend of ours, Jo, that I had a song which would make her happy. I played her this. I cannot repeat the profanities which came from her mouth. Brian Hibbard would’ve blushed.
14. Hot Chocolate – I Gave You My Heart (Didn’t I)
I dunno. Did you? I don’t remember. You tell me, buddy.
15. Snowy White – Bird of Paradise
Terence Charles “Snowy” White used to be in Thin Lizzy, and a backing guitarist with Pink Floyd. Neither of which has any bearing on this record, except we can safely say he is musically competent. This is a perfectly nice record, but nothing that would, or indeed did, set the world alight.
And so it ends, not with a bang but a whimper.
Pop back next time for the second disc.
(More soon)
A History of Dubious Taste 