Had I not watched TV last night, then you’d now be reading a long-overdue Rant.
But I did, and of course I watched Have I Got News For You; not the greatest episode ever, but I became more and more dismayed as every topic I had intended to write about this morning got mentioned – even the same video clips I planned to insert – but with better gags than I had come up with. No loosely-linked tunes, granted, but still…
So what did I do instead? Well, now that storage space on my iPod is no longer an issue, I decided to upload all of the Now albums I have *coughs* legally acquired digital copies of to my iTunes.
And as I did so, a thought occured to me: there’s a series here. And then I remembered that, a long time ago, I wrote about Now That’s What I Call Music Vol 1 and promised to return with more from the series soon. Which, of course, I never did, because…aww, you know, I’m rubbish.
I tracked down that old post to see when it was written: 16/09/17. As I thought, it was prompted by me snaffling up a load of the original series on vinyl from a now-defunkt charity shop. You can read what I wrote here if you’re interested.
Of course, all of the links are dead 5 1/2 years later, but fear not! For back then, I just picked out the songs I liked – or more likely, the songs I hated least. Now we’re going to look at them all.
Some historical context: Volume 1 came out in November 1983. I would have been 14, and frankly just ripe for listening to this kind of stuff. But, as mentioned in that old post, I bought precisely zero copies of Now That’s What I Call Music at the time: in my mind back then, pop music was for girls, and I liked rock music, which was or boys. I liked Deep Purple and AC/DC and Led Zeppelin and, of course, Quo. An album full of cheesy pop songs? No thanks, thought the younger, stupider me.
But now? I love this stuff, even if I have no recollection whatsoever of a lot them, as you’ll find out as the series progresses.
Here’s the plan: each week, as each volume contained two discs, I’ll feature one complete disc from at a time, in sequential order. So this week: Volume 1, Disc 1, next time Vol 1, Disc 2…and so on. There will, of course, be some unexplained breaks in the series, because…well, you know what I’m like.
So, shall we see what Volume 1, Disc 1 has in store for us?
Side 1:
- Phil Collins – You Can’t Hurry Love I have vivid, disturbing memories of this one. Lifted from his second solo album Hello, I Must Be Going, this hit #1 in the UK. A cover of the old Supremes song, it was backed up by a video which featured not one Phil Collins, but three of him, one singing, the other two performing as his backing singers. Fax machines across the UK must have girded their loins in readinesss for the forthcoming deluge of divorce letters. Of course, given the option, I’d plump for listening to The Supremes version, and if you sat through Diana Ross’s Glastonbury Legends slot a couple of years ago, you’ll know what a sacrifice that is.
2. Duran Duran – Is There Something I Should Know?
Their first #1 in the UK. God, I hated them at the time. They were “a girl’s band”, adored not for their musical ability, but because they were fit. I now realise that’s fine, that’s what pop music is. But back then…well I didn’t think Simon Le Bon could sing, and thought it really funny that time he nearly drowned on his yacht. I’ve done a lot of growing up is all I can say.
Speaking of first UK #1s, here’s the cod-white reggae band from Birmingham, who started off making great political records like One in Ten but then quickly declined to doing this kind of thing. If ever you’re at a social engagement and find yourself talking to someone who tells you that Red Red Wine was written by Neil Diamond like it’s some kind of profound truth, then move away quickly because any moment now they’re going to tell you that the guy from ZZ Top without a beard is called Frank Beard and expect your mind to be suitably blown.
Nope, me neither. I remember him, sure, but this record? Nope. This got to #16 in the UK charts. Who knew?
Now we’re talking! An absolute 80s beauty, even if it’s not the Brothers in Rhythym mix (which will be making an appearance soon on these pages, all being well). A UK #2 back in 1983, a genuine travesty it didn’t reach the peak. And what prevented it from hitting the top? True by Spandau fucking Ballet, that’s what. Another reason to hate it.
6. KC & The Sunshine Band – Give It Up
I bloody love this song. The sound of summer, the sound of happiness, even if the lyrics ain’t that happy. Here’s some Give It Up facts that I’ve nicked from wiki:
- The song is the walk-on music of professional darts player Vincent van der Voort.
- It featured in the last series of Play Away broadcast on January 7, 1984.
- It is used in the opening scene of British anthology series Black Mirror, episode “Loch Henry”
- The song is chanted by Tottenham Hotspur supporters in their appreciation of Rafael van der Vaart (who doesn’t play for them anymore) and Micky van de Ven (who does, but when will they learn that Tenpole Tudor’s Wünderbar is a much better fit?)
7. Malcolm McClaren – Double Dutch
The moment when we all stopped what we were doing and thought: Maybe this bloke is a genius after all…?
8. Bonnie Tyler – Total Eclipse Of The Heart
That rare beast: a Jim Steinman composition that isn’t recorded by Meat Loaf. It’s cheesy and power ballad as hell, but can I resist singing along to it? Nosireebob. And I’m not the only one: my brother shelled out for the album, although he won’t thank me for mentioning it.
And so, on to Side 2:
9. Culture Club – Karma Chameleon
I don’t know what I hate this so much, but I do, and I don’t feel the need to try and explain myself.
10. Men Without Hats – The Safety Dance
Another of those records that just makes me smile. Maybe it’s because Quo covered it once (oh yes they did, and it’s as awful as you’d expect), but I don’t think so. It’s a great, if weird, song, with a weird if not so great video…maybe the one-hit-wonderness of them is what appeals? (They’re only other charting record in the UK was I Got The Message, which reached the giddy heights of #99 in the UK. That’s clearly a misnomer of a tune, as I find when I write this that they’re still touring…how tedious must their gigs be, as you wait for the encore to hear the one song you paid £35 to hear?)
Uh oh, here’s that Limahl bloke again, in the band he found success with before they kicked him out. And why did they do that, you might ask. Succesful band, #1 hit single and a couple of less succesful singles under their belt – why dispose of the lead singer? Back to wiki again for some light-shedding: “Limahl accused the others of being envious of him and said “I’ve been betrayed!” and “I was sacked for making them a success.” The other band members countered Limahl’s assertions, insisting that he had become egomaniacal and increasingly difficult to work with. Soon after the departure, [founder member, Nick] Beggs commented, “It was a business decision and not one we took lightly. He wanted the band to go in a different direction to the rest of us. Eventually, we realised we were on a different planet to Limahl.” Beggs also stated that the band harboured no ill will towards Limahl, and blamed the press for sensationalising the matter. Guitarist Steve Askew commented “At first … we did everything possible to make Limahl feel like part of the furniture but, you know, his lifestyle is so different from ours. We’re very normal people whereas Limahl likes the bright lights.”
In other words, he was a bit of a cock. Let’s move on.
12. Mike Oldfield – Moonlight Shadow
Another record I love, and I know I’m not alone. It’s featured twice on these pages before, once when Alyson from What’s It All About? suggested it as part of The Chain, with these words: “…as ever I don’t know if its cool or uncool to like Mike Oldfield around these parts but not averse to hearing a bit of ‘In Dulce Jubilo’ at this time of year.” (It was December 2016, in case you were curious when Alyson pops on the folky Christmas tunes). And back in 2015 I wrote about it (along with a whole load of other records) as I’d bought it when I was a nipper. Here’s what I wrote way back when: “Oldfield was famous for a few things: for his Tubular Bells album which, I’m sure you know, was the first ever release on the Virgin label and which set Richard Branson up for a life-time of twatting around in hot-air balloons, running rubbish railway services and paying Usain Bolt and David Tennant to pretend to be his friends in TV adverts; for his Christmas hit “In Dulce Jubilo”, and for “Portsmouth” – not one that might tickle your memory glands, that, but one which has been burned onto my psyche ever since we did Country Dancing at Junior School and I made a complete arse of myself attempting to do-si-do with Vanessa Simpson, who I had a massive crush on, crush turning out to be quite literally the appropriate phrase, as I trod on her feet countless times until she asked to be allowed to change partner.
Ahem. But I’m over that now.”
Funny story: Down Under, with its characteristically earthy antipodean humour, was a worldwide smash in late 1982/early 1983. It hit the #1 spot in Australia, New Zealand, Canada, USA, UK, Denmark, Ireland, Italy and Switzerland, and was a Top 10 hit in many other countries, and has sold just shy of 3 million copies to date. It earned the writers a small fortune. Note the tense, there.
But then in 2007, the fates conspired agaisnst them. On the ABC-TV quiz show Spicks and Specks, this question was asked: “What children’s song is contained in the song ‘Down Under‘?” And it all unravelled from there. The answer was “Kookaburra”, a song written in 1932 by Marion Sinclair, who died in 1988. However, the rights to “Kookaburra” were deemed to have been transferred to publisher Larrikin Music, who unsurprisingly decided to take legal action against the song’s writers.
28 years after the release of Down Under, Larrikin Music sued Men at Work for copyright infringement, alleging that part of the flute riff of the song was copied from “Kookaburra”. Justice Peter Jacobson of the Federal Court of Australia – of all the Justices of the Federal Court of Australia, he’s one of my favourites, he’s just so dreamy! – made a preliminary ruling that Larrikin did own copyright on the song, but the issue of whether or not the Down Under writers had plagiarised the riff was set aside to be determined at a later date.
A year later – and this is why he’s my favourite, he kept them on tenterhooks that long – Jacobson ruled that Larrikin’s copyright had been infringed because Down Under reproduced “a substantial part of ‘Kookaburra'”.
Bye bye money.
14. Rock Steady Crew – Hey You (Rock Steady Crew)
One of the very few hip-hop/rap/whatever it is records that I liked at the time. Not enough to buy it, mind. And I’m staggered to find it doesn’t seem to feature on any of the main music streaming sites, so you get an mp3 download for this one, you lucky people.
Jesus wept, this got to #1 in the UK – how??? (Don’t worry bro, I’m not going to call you out twice)
16. Paul Young – Wherever I Lay My Hat
It’s a Marvin Gaye cover. It got to #1. It’s not as awful as his version of Love Will Tear Us Apart, but then very little is. What else do you want me to say???
Apart from this: more soon.
A History of Dubious Taste 