Here’s Where The Story Doesn’t End

I went to see I, Tonya this evening.

This post was going to be about how much I enjoyed it (I did, it was funny. moving, shocking, dazzling), to confirm that Allison Janney is incredible in it and wins my vote for the Best Supporting Actress award at the forthcoming Oscars, and to post a couple of songs that featured on the soundtrack (which was packed with some really great tunes, so I probably will do that at some point).

And then, about ten minutes before the end, something happened. Suddenly, just as the film was about to reach it’s climax, as Margot Robbie (as the titular Tonya Harding) is having the laces on her skates tied up before heading off to compete against nemesis Nancy Kerrigan, the screen went blank.

The dialogue continued.

Everyone in the cinema sat there for a moment or two; I spoke to some of them afterwards and they all seemed to be thinking the same as me: having the screen go black at such a crucial moment, as if Harding had blacked out and could only hear, is one hell of a ballsy move.

After about a minute or two, it became clear (from the sound, which was still continuing) that something had gone wrong. A couple of girls sitting across the aisle from me ran out to notify the staff (not about anything I’d done, I promise), and shortly afterwards, the lights came on (soundtrack still playing) and someone came in to announce that the projector was broken.

I toyed with the idea of staying so I could at least hear the end of the film, but people began to leave, so I figured I may as well go too. Besides, people had started to talk about getting something for free as compensation, and I was bang up for that.

At the bottom of the aisle, a family of three were asking one of the members of staff what they were going to offer us to make up for our nights being ruined.

“Free entry to another film of your choice?” the put upon usher suggested.

“That’s no good to us,” the mother of the family said, “we’re Gold Card members, so we already get free entry. More free entry is no good to us.”

I’m only a Black Card Member, but this was a conversation I wanted in on. Besides, I know a bloody good negotiator when I see one, and this woman was brilliant. I decided to loiter alongside them.

“Erm….” said the usher, unsure of what else he could offer. He looked at me, almost in hope that I might be able to help him out.

“I’m in the same boat as them,” I said.

“That’s four of us who do not want what you have offered to make up for our ruined evening,” the woman continued. “Try again. What can you offer us?”

“Um…free food from our counter….?”

The woman looked at me. I gave her my best “Sounds good to me” acquiescing nod.

“Then it’s agreed. You will give us vouchers now,” she said.

We were led to the food counter, where we were given a voucher. It says: Next time you visit, hand in this voucher and all of your snacks are on us.

They’re going to regret that, for I am a fat bastard and I can carry a lot of snacks.

Here’s a song. It’s not on the I, Tonya soundtrack, but it struck me as being appropriate, if a tad more Trance Trousers than the kind of thing I usually post here:

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Grace – Not Over Yet (Perfecto Mix)

More soon.

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