The 100 Greatest UK Number 1 Singles – #98

This is the series where I feature The Guardian’s idea of the best UK #1s ever, and we see what I have to say about them.

Oh God. How did this end up on the list??

OK, deep breaths.

Here’s what The Guardian had to say about it:

Recorded in a Coventry front room, Mouldy Old Dough sounds like pop music made by people who have never actually heard pop music, but have had it described to them by someone who didn’t really know what they were talking about: pub piano, growled vocals, a beat that recalls a drunk doggedly staggering home. The weirdness of 70s Britain in musical form.

I disagree.

Mouldy Old Dough sounds like someone listened to some Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band records and decided they could, if not do better, than emulate them.

And they were wrong.

They couldn’t. This is awful. It doesn’t go anywhere, it doesn’t do anything, it just sits there on your turntable trying to be all clever and arty but failing miserably.

Last week, I posted a clip of Primal Scream performing Loaded on Top of The Pops, with Ride’s Mark Gardner pretending to play keyboards. This is what it would have sounded like if that keyboard had been plugged in.

No, it’s worse than that: this is the sound of any performance by Wings where Linda McCartney’s microphone has been left inadvertently on.

I thought these were supposed to be the best UK #1 singles….?

More soon.