Well, I think we can all agree that 2019 can just fuck right off and not worry about the door hitting it’s arse on the way out.
It’s been a horrible way to end the decade (if you accept that 2019 is the last year of the decade, but let’s not get into that now): I lost my best friend in January and that loss has hung over me ever since – I’m dreading the anniversary more than his actual passing, I think – and I know that some of you also lost loved ones.
Plus there’s the whole now-inevitable Brexit debacle and five years of being governed by a bumbling buffoon, but again, you know my views, there’s no point in going over that again. I’ll leave the “I told you so’s” for another day.
I figured starting the new decade (if you accept that etc etc etc) with something positive would be a good idea, but I was struggling to think of something.
But then – and I think this is the only upside of having to unpack when I moved back into my flat – I found myself rediscovering lots of CDs that I hadn’t listened to in ages, and it is from one of those that tonight’s tune is lifted.
I’ve never been to The Big Chill festival; I have been to The Big Chill bar in King’s Cross though; a drunk Australian bloke in the Gents asked me if it was appropriate for him to go back out into the bar with his flaccid but admittedly impressive cock hanging out of his flies.
Him: “Hey mate! Mate! Would it be okay for me to go out there like this?”
Me: “Put it away mate. Nobody’s interested.” (Or intimidated. Much.)
If you ever wondered what happened to flashers, there’s your answer. They hang around in bars in Kings Cross, affecting Australian accents. There’s probably a very niche website devoted to such content. (I say ‘probably’: I haven’t found it yet, anyway.)
I suspect that he wanted me to gasp in awe and praise his girth, but I’ve seen one that big before, loads of times. I own a magnifying glass.
Anyway, turns out I own a Big Chill double CD I’d forgotten about, which includes this, which seems a rather lovely way to start the year:
Happy New Year.